Bad Movies We Love: New York Minute

You’ve never seen an Olsen twins movie, have you? Have you? You’ve never twisted your hair into braids like Hailee Steinfeld and discovered How the West was Fun or booked a trip to the UK for Winning London. You’ve never personally discovered that, indeed, It Takes Two. God. Now that you’ve admitted you have nothing in common with true cinastes, allow me to educate you: Today we’re visiting the quaint Manhattan of NY Minute, the Olsens’ 2004 big-screen bomb costarring more than a few people you respect. Since their sister Elizabeth is defying cult order in Martha Marcy May Marlene this week, the least we can do is honor the original Olsens for their enslaved followers. These zealots prefer their Kool-Aid straight-up. NY Minute ensconces the Full House twins in a big-city caper that gets about as exciting as Jodie Sweetin’s hair. As the “rocker” girl Roxy (Mary-Kate) and uptight Jane (Ashley) stumble through Manhattan adventures, they’re chased around by a nutty truancy officer (Eugene Levy) and a Chinese-accented assassin-type (Andy Richter — we’ll discuss), who want the twins dead or alive or whatever, I’m not sure. Point is, NY is a phony wonderland and the Olsen twins turn it into their own personal music video. Unbearable? Not really. Harmless? Mostly. Hilarious? Even more than a ballad by Jesse Katsopolis. As usual, we’ve circled five moments worth seeking out. Collect them all. 5. Your new Laurence Olivier, Dr. Drew Pinsky Remember when G. Gordon Liddy costarred in the summer camp classic Camp Cucamonga? This casting isn’t quite as senseless, but non-actor Drew Pinsky plays the twins’ dad. He’s about as natural as you can imagine. It’s this undeniable talent that led him into advanced acting projects like Celebrity Rehab. Remember when he pretended to care about Jeff Conaway? That was five-star commitment. 4. The strange allure and nothingness of Mary-Kate and Ashley You may say the Olsen twins are famous because their fans also want to be completely unextraordinary and get paid millions for it, but I’d argue there’s an X-factor at play here. Think about it. How do the Olsens manage to look like newborn gibbons and 49-year-old Taylor Dayne at the same time? How is that possible? Does that mean they’re malnourished or over-nourished? I really don’t know. But I do understand that Mary-Kate and Ashley lend an unassuming fun to their archetypal roles here. When ultra-organized Ashley sputters, “Relax?! My relaxing tips are in my day planner!”, you kind of smile. Did I mention that most of Ashley’s dialogue sounds like discarded Bob Saget lines from Full House? Now you know. Group hug. 3. TV’s favorite sidekick picks up the movies’ most notorious accent. It’s impossible not to root for Andy Richter’s success, but his turn in NY Minute as an Asian-accented assassin is nothing but a 2004 update of Mickey Rooney’s eye-popping work in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s racist, ridiculous, and it pulls you out of the very real drama that threatens the Olsen twins’ lives. In other words, it’s a necessary addition to the movie. 2. Mary-Kate and Ashley fail at “sexy” to the tune of the most annoying song of the decade. I’ve never watched Supernatural, but I might be persuaded after watching star Jared Padalecki turn up here as a shirtless sex object who doesn’t mind that the twins have broken into his apartment. In fact, he doesn’t even mind their scary unsexiness. As he walks in on the towel-adorned ladies, we’re suddenly thrown into a slow-motion, hair-tossing photo shoot where Mary-Kate and Ashley make sexy eyes to the tune of No Doubt’s “Hey Baby.” Let’s recap that sentence: Mary-Kate and Ashley give us their “O” faces while the worst goddamn song of the 2000s plays. Legendary. Gwen Stefani, you’re still not forgiven! 1. Why, Eugene Levy? Why? Second City veteran and Christopher Guest muse Eugene Levy plays the dastardly Maxamillion Lomax, a truancy officer who follows and pretty much lusts after Mary-Kate the whole movie. This screenshot sells his desperation pretty well, but it’s noteworthy that Levy takes a character with no trace of human identity and makes him the movie’s sole LOL-garnering moment (aside from earlier when Jared threw that dog out the window and no one really cared). I don’t know what compelled Levy to take part in this whorishly phony NY story, but I’m pleased that he revved up his villainy to Boris-and-Natasha proportions. You know who’d appreciate that Bullwinkle love? Joey. Fucking. Gladstone.

TiVo Shares Up As Investors Look For DVR Patent Case Settlement With AT&T

TiVo popped 7.9% in early trading after it prevailed late Thursday in a Texas court ruling that involves its DVR patent infringement suit againstAT&T — even though the ruling curiously didn’t say anything about the other part of the company’s suit, against Verizon. You’ll hurt your head if you try to sort through the mostly technical issues underlyingU.S. Superior Court Judge David Folsom’s decision about howhe’ll deal with the patent claims. But the upshot is that “AT&T will see a high chance of losing and so will likely enter into a favorable settlement with TiVo,” Lazard Capital Markets analyst Barton Crockett says this morning. David Miller of Caris & Co isn’t so sure: He expects AT&T to go to trial beginning in January. He also decided not to raise his estimates for TiVo because it’s “somewhat confusing” that the judge didn’t include Verizon.”The majority of the Street was under the impression that both cases were being heard in tandem,” he says.

CW looks to Netflix to kick up visibility

Warner Bros. and CBS execs are giddy about the big payday promised by the Netflix licensing pact for CW shows. But there are also great expectations that the deal will yield bigtime promo dividends to CW -- both with viewers and in the creative community.The hope is that the increased exposure for CW shows among Netflix's more than 25 million subscribers will bring new viewers to the latest episodes airing on the network, as has often been the case when a series that is still running new segsrunning new segs in primetime bows in syndication. CW brass are also banking on a residual marketing value in getting the net's brand front and center with the younger auds that tend to be the most avid users of Netflix's streaming service."It's such a great fit because the demographics of Netflix and CW are so similar," said Rick Haskins, CW's exec veep of marketing and brand strategy. "From a marketing perspective, anytime you can get the CW name and our shows' names out there in a different venue it can only help."The premium that Netflix is paying for the early syndication window on CW shows should also go a long way toward convincing writers and other creative talent that it is worth their while to field shows to the network. Heretofore, shows from CW, and its WB Network and UPN predecessors, have failed to generate much coin in traditional off-network syndication or through international licensing.As much as net execs were cheering the news of the Netflix windfall on Thursday, CW can't take to its own air to tubthump the availability of the shows. The network can't afford to alienate its TV station affiliates, particularly its core Tribune Broadcasting partner, with on-air marketing pointing viewers to Netflix, even though the deal does not involve current-season episodes.Haskins has no doubt that Netflix will be an ideal forum for encouraging viewers to sample CW's serialized dramas, which lend themselves to the kind of marathon viewing that many users seek from Netflix."It's the way our viewer consumers media these days," Haskins said. "It's the 'I want what I want and I want it now generation.' Netflix is a perfect way to answer that request." Contact Cynthia Littleton at cynthia.littleton@variety.com

MTV World launches Iggy

Viacom's MTV World has introduced the launch of their global music platform, named MTV Iggy, that will aim to expose worldwide music functions to U.S. audiences through its website as well as on-air programming. The woking platform will debut on-air on March. 17, with half-hour world music spotlight "The MTV Iggy Show" airing on mtvU. Other iterations from the platform may have presences on MTV and MTV2. Furthermore, the woking platform is sponsoring worldwide band competition "The Very Best New Band on the planet,Inch that will climax having a live show broadcast on November. 10. As MTV World's senior v . p . and gm Nusrut Durrani stated inside a statement: "Present day music fans reside in an amazingly connected world where pop music is without edges Latin American audiences love K-Pop and emcees in the Congo have found fans in Belgium. ...MTV Iggy provides a U.S. stage for artists who're catching fire around the world.Inch MTV World also includes Korean-oriented MTV K, and India-centric MTV Desi. Contact the range newsroom at news@variety.com

Analyst: Cowboys And Aliens May Be The Only 3Q Movie Write-Down As Overseas Ticket Sales Grow

Movie moguls usually have to grit their teeth during the media company quarterly earnings season as they begrudgingly acknowledge the bombsthey had to write off. But the 3Q reports that will begin to come out in two weeks could be different, RGC Capital Markets analyst David Bank says this morning. Only one film from the quarter — DreamWorks’ Cowboys And Aliens – “looks likely to be a write-down.” And the outlook for 4Q is encouraging due to “the strong existing slate, combined with the likelihood of surprise ‘tentpoles’ and…relatively easy comps” vs 4Q10. He’s particularly impressed by the soaring returns from overseas where the number of movie theaters is growing. He notes that this year major films are generating more than 1.65 as much from international box offices as they do from domestic, up from 1.45 last year. Bank says that Hollywood is zeroing in on the right investment formula: Spend big on “culturally neutral action/adventure movies” that play well abroad — and slash budgets for comedies that often don’t travel well. For example in 2003 overseas ticket sales for Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl were only slightly ahead of domestic. But overseas audiences spent more than three times as much as U.S. ticket buyers did this year on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. It’s not a fail-safe formula, he says, pointing to the so-so international results for Sony’s The Green Hornet. But the strategy paid off for the studio with Bad Teacher, which only cost about $20M to produce.

Mickey Rourke Has Java Warmth

Together with Kellan LutzNo, the headline doesn't always imply that Mickey Rourke and Twilight's Kellan Lutz are getting away . in the film business and so are now pimping a completely new Lynx deodorant scent: the pair has signed onto Margate House Films' new indie thriller Java Warmth.With Conor Allyn behind the digital camera, Warmth will uncover a mysterious American type (Lutz) storing his anti-Islamic habits to synergy getting a Muslim cop to have the ability to take lower a simple-fingered, jewel-robbery-happy quantity of terrorists in Southeast Asia. Rourke will probably be however in the law, playing a jewel crook who dreams within the terror types' nasty schemes. Seems fitting.The completely new film is an element from the wave of productions that have attracted stars to Asia to use. Rourke and Lutz join an inventory that already includes the type of Christian Bale and Kevin Spacey. Furthermore, it marks something from the reunion for your pair, who already labored together round the incoming Immortals.Allyn scribbled the script along with his father, Make the most of, and contains already started shooting.

Roush Review: Lifetime's Five, HBO's Enlightened

Jeanne Tripplehorn They rarely make TV-movies like Lifetime's Five (Monday, 9/8c) anymore, and I really wish they would. A sensitively told issue-of-the-week anthology in the classic life-affirming tear-jerker tradition, the high-profile talent is on both sides of the camera in these intertwined vignettes dealing with breast cancer. Though the subject matter is wrenching, the tone here is more about emotional uplift, emphasizing the importance of bringing loved ones along for the fight.Among the directors: Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore and Alicia Keys, who all know better than to get in the way of a splendid cast that includes Patricia Clarkson (cue the Emmy speech), Jeanne Tripplehorn, Rosario Dawson, Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Holloway.Want more Matt Roush? Subscribe to TV Guide Magazine now!The first segment, directed by Moore, is an evocative short story-like piece set in 1969 as a family gathers to watch Apollo 11 touching down on the moon, signifying social progress. Things aren't quite so up-to-date in this household, as a little girl named Pearl is kept in the dark as her mother (Goodwin) lays dying in another room. Pearl grows up to be an empathetic oncologist played by Tripplehorn, and she's the connecting thread to the other stories - including that of "Mia" (directed by Aniston), a wonderful character portrait told through a tapestry of flashbacks, as Mia (Clarkson) looks back on the two years since her diagnosis, a potential death sentence that she takes instead as a challenge to live life to the fullest. "I haven't been very nice to people. I was supposed to die," says this memorable survivor, whose caustic mock funeral is a highlight of the movie.The next anecdote, about an exotic dancer named "Cheyenne" (Nikita's Lyndsy Fonseca), has an O Henry-like quality, as Cheyenne worries, "What happens when we lose our 'thing'?" - not just on the job, but also in her marriage to a handsome young loan shark. Humor is the defining element in the sardonic story of "Lili" (Dawson), an independent career woman who tries to shut out her domineering mother (Jenifer Lewis) and judgmental sister (Tracee Ellis Ross) from her treatment of this speed bump in her busy life. Easier said than done.The final segment focuses back on Pearl, who has spent years helping everyone else cope but must now face the disease head-on and is determined not to repeat the mistakes of her family. The title Five refers less to the movie's episodic structure than to a wall of tiles in Pearl's clinic, where cancer-free survivors get to "kiss the wall" when they reach the five-year milestone. It's a symbol of hope likely to resonate with the Lifetime audience.Also premiering tonight: a new HBO half-hour that's billed as a "comedy," but as usual, it's hard to tell. When it comes to HBO's so-called comedies, it's not all that difficult to curb our enthusiasm. (Although Larry David's long-running hit was on fire for much of the summer.)Sundays are currently being squandered on new seasons of the dreary Hung and How to Make It in America. This relegates two more intriguing properties to Mondays: the twee noir parody Bored to Death (9/8c), which at least has the feel of a comedy (and a strong indie-cred cast), and the peculiar new Enlightened (9:30/8:30c) which feels more like a Showtime dramedy in its focus on a damaged female hero whose life isn't exactly a laugh riot.Our first look at Amy (the electrifying Laura Dern) is not a pretty one. She's mid-meltdown at corporate HQ, screeching like a madwoman at those she feels wronged her, an act of career suicide. Flash forward three months to a transformed and calmer Amy, enlightened after a Hawaiian self-help retreat and a swim alongside a symbolic sea turtle. She's now ready to share her Zen, but the new touchy-feely Amy is confronted by a world determined to keep her at arm's length. Who can blame them?The problem here is that we only know Amy at these extremes, from PMS rage to PMA (positive mental attitude), and while Dern commits fully to the role, Amy still feels like an annoying, exasperating caricature who probably ought to be committed. Enlightened is clearly a deeply felt show, and the cast is terrific, including Diane Ladd (Dern's real-life mother) as Amy's skeptical mom, Luke Wilson as her likable drugged-out ex who resists her self-help efforts, and Mike White (who co-created the show with Dern) as an admiring mouse of a co-worker in the basement where she's unhappily reassigned.I wish I were as invested in Amy's journey as she is, but as she blathers on about being an agent of change at her uncaring corporation, I find myself restless to change the channel to something that's actually entertaining or, yes, enlightening.Subscribe to TV Guide Magazine now!Tags: TV Guide Magazine, Matt Roush, Breaking News